Fact;

I fucking hate all the people in my life and I hate myself for letting them get to me.

RAPEJUICE !

Brie and I are fucking P.I.M.P.
Fuckin' get used to it.

Well, I did it.

Chris is out of my life for good.
I blocked him on MSN, I deleted him from my myspace friend's list, I deleted his number from my phone, and I even deleted his sister from MSN. If he didn't get the fucking message last night, we will now. I am just so damn glad I stopped worrying and cheated on him. Emi was worth it, and so was Amanda. Even though Amanda is one of my best friends and we make out all the time anyway. he, I feel a lot better now. I can move on. Finally.

All the ugly people in the world should be straight.

And all the attractive people should be bi, so everyone has a fair chance.
That's the world that I want to live in.

There's a thin line between curiousity and stupidity.

I was browsing this fucking homo's myspace "group," when I came across a few profiles of some young boys. Their age either said thirteen, nineteen or like one-hundred-eighty-four. Whether or not these are real children, there are still photos of young boys, half naked, on myspace. I know we can't stop all child pornography or variations of it from being on the web, but myspace could do a hell of a lot more of a better job and PROTECTING these kids. This "group" is actually a profile that a thirty-nine year old man created as a support group for gay youths. Sure, maybe this man's intentions were good, but it has spiraled out of control and now there are numerous boys posting shit like "You're such a hot daddy, call me" and then put their fucking phone number in a comment for the whole world to see. Most of the younger profiles I found are usually private, thank God, but the default photos are still of half naked boys. It just sickens me. These kids can be curious about their sexuality, I know I was, but there is absolutely NO reason that they have to be fucking stupid and post stuff like that on there. Their parents obviously haven't taught them the dangers of online sexual predators, and their parents must not give enough of a shit to monitor their online activity. It's just sad. This world is a fucked up place.

I honestly believe I'm crazy.

I can't like someone - anyone, a guy or girl - without thinking too much about it. I like this girl now, I think. I'm afraid, honestly. I don't want to hurt her, and I don't want to end up being fooled by myself again. She's the first girl I've liked since Emi, and that was what. . . three years ago ? I just recently got over Emi. Emi left me for a fucking huge dyke, too. So that was a blow on my self confidence. What if I can't be masculine enough for this girl ? I mean, I'm not going to force myself to act butch and shit, but what if myself isn't enough ? I really don't see anything that great about me, and in time I'm sure she won't either. Wow, I sound emo. And to make it all worse, I'm blogging about it. haha But what's funny about this whole situation is; we are both aware that we want each other. The dancing around the subject of our crush, the consistant flirting and the way we joke around, it's really obvious. I think we're both just waiting to see who will cave and admit it first. This girl is seriously amazing. She's just so cool, and she doesn't try. Her sense of humor is the best. She tries to say she isn't perverted, but she is, and it's great. And she doesn't think she's attractive, but she definately is. She's actually pretty girly, too. I don't usually like that, but it's refreshing with her. She has a nice style. What's weird is that we've barely spoken today, it's actually bugging me a little. hm.


Honestly by Cartel just came on my ipod. ha, This song brings back massive memories. Erin, my best friend, is turning eighteen this Sunday. Man, I can't believe how we've grown up. It really just seems like last weekend we were sitting at her house, obsessing over Hellogoodbye and The Early November and talking about how hot emo guys are. haha But the best memory I have with Erin is definately the night she and Evan spent the night over at the apartment in Good Hope, and we went to Wal Mart at three a.m. and got Fast and Furious on fucking VHS. I was about eight, and she was like eleven or twelve. We stayed up all night, and watched the sun come up on my trampoline and jumped until about seven, that's when we all finally went to sleep. Evan is Ashlee's (my sister)age, and Erin's brother. They were best friends too. I really miss the old days. Before New York, before Eric, before all the bullshit in my life. Things were great then. Ask anyone, and they'll tell you. Even my mom will say it. But now I have to go get Erin a ridiculously sappy card, and put together a Jewish bank roll to send to her. haha


So, this is the end of the first serious post. Probably the last, too. I always forget about things like this. Oh well.

Peace,
Samuel.

First post, eh ?

Well, I made this blog only because Carly asked me to. 
She joined Emo Earth (heh, Ridiculous, I know) for me, so this was only fair. 

je t'aime, carlito.